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How to Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio
Cover of How to Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio
How to Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio
by Ben Stein
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Hilarious advice on what NOT to do with money, from financial funny man Ben Stein

Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio, bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on what not to do when it comes to managing money.

From reading and acting upon investing newsletters to trading on a margin, from investing in bonds to breathlessly following CNBC, and from buying stock in firms you do not understand to believing in your own genius at stock picking to keeping as little cash on hand as possible, Stein presents the rules that every would-be investor needs to know, so they can do the exact opposite and actually make money. Fully revised and updated, this new edition presents all-new missteps that can destroy any portfolio.

  • Fully revised and updated edition of the tongue-in-cheek bestseller that shows investors what not to do with their money
  • Written by acclaimed author economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein
  • Loaded with indispensable pieces of bad advice that readers should avoid at all costs

A laugh-out-loud approach to personal finance, How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio is an accessible guide to money from the funniest man in finance.

Hilarious advice on what NOT to do with money, from financial funny man Ben Stein

Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio, bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on what not to do when it comes to managing money.

From reading and acting upon investing newsletters to trading on a margin, from investing in bonds to breathlessly following CNBC, and from buying stock in firms you do not understand to believing in your own genius at stock picking to keeping as little cash on hand as possible, Stein presents the rules that every would-be investor needs to know, so they can do the exact opposite and actually make money. Fully revised and updated, this new edition presents all-new missteps that can destroy any portfolio.

  • Fully revised and updated edition of the tongue-in-cheek bestseller that shows investors what not to do with their money
  • Written by acclaimed author economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein
  • Loaded with indispensable pieces of bad advice that readers should avoid at all costs

A laugh-out-loud approach to personal finance, How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio is an accessible guide to money from the funniest man in finance.

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About the Author-
  • Ben Stein is a respected economist known to many as a movie and television personality, but he has worked in personal and corporate finance more than anywhere else. He has written about finance for Barron's, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and Fortune, was one of the chief busters of the junk-bond frauds of the 1980s, has been a longtime critic of corporate executives' self-dealing, and has co-written numerous finance books. Stein travels the country speaking about finance in both serious and humorous ways, and is a regular contributor to CBS's Sunday Morning, CNN, and Fox News. He was the winner of the 2009 Malcolm Forbes Award for Excellence in Financial Journalism.

Table of Contents-
  • Acknowledgments xiii

    Introduction xvii

    1 Trade Frequently 1

    2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11

    3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19

    4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29

    5 Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35

    6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It 41

    7 Dividends Are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49

    8 Cash Is Garbage—Except When It’s Not 57

    9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69

    10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77

    11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81

    12 Commodities Are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87

    13 Go on Margin for Everything 93

    14 Sell Short 97

    15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103

    16 Do It All Yourself 109

    17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111

    18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113

    19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117

    20 Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119

    2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You 123

    Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124

    Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124

    Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125

    Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125

    Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126

    Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126

    Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126

    Show No Regard for the Truth 127

    Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127

    Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128

    Do Not Be Punctual 128

    Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128

    Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129

    Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129

    Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129

    Look for Grievances at Work 130

    Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130

    Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131

    Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131

    Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132

    Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132

    Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133

    Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133

    Pad Your Expense Account 134

    Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back 134

    Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135

    Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others 135

    Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135

    Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136

    About the Author 137

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